Today is Wild Wipes Draw’s 1 year anniversary!! Thank you for your support and today I will explain how Wild Wipes Draws became the Organization that it is today. We had a humble beginning in the Spice Trade back in AD 1754. Along with Austronesian sailors, Indian merchants, Arab traders, and Venetian middlemen we served to bring spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, and some white stuff (not sure whether it was actually flour or not) to the British Isles. We had a central location in the Spice Islands before things turned south…
In 1767, a man by the name of Afonso de Albuquerque crossed us. We sent us to the wrong location and my team and I were kidnapped. A evil scientist by the name of Einstein Albert (who happened to be evil) turned us into frogs and then shipped us to the Amazon. While there, we had to fight for our survival. We decided it was best to build a hideout and then build an alliance with the people of Brazil by selling weapons. Little did they know…we were frogs. (And to my frog brothas out there, remember to invest your money properly (they know what i mean)).
Anyway, we did that until 1999 when my brother-in-arms, Bobert, finally turned us back into humans (Brazil still doesn’t know that we were frogs nor that the guns we sold them were sticks. DO NOT TELL THEM!). From there on, we started a business giving financial advice to university students. We also started a business that sold hoodies. But we had a more sinister plan…
We always promoted students putting half of their money into stylish clothes (which they listened to every time cause some of them aren’t the brightest light bulbs in the box if ya know what I mean), so we directed them to the most stylish brand…our brand. We sold them hoodies and we made more money than the IRS knows about (dont tell them). But today, we mostly just give financial advice.
And now for the big, secret news, I am proud to introduce that Wild Wipes Draws is starting up the Wild Wipes Draws Dutch(ish) Spice Trading Company! Please, help us to buy a boat from Facebook MarketPlace for a reasonable price. We are also looking for a boat crew so let us know if ya are interested. Living quarters (quarter is a room, not a coin), sea shanties, “home”-cooked meals, and of course, rum are included. Past piracy experience is preferred.
ANYWAY, thank you for supporting Wild Wipes Draws. Please help us to buy a boat and let us know if you are interested in joining the boat crew. GIVE US YOUR MONEY! Much gratitude my brethren.
Anonymously,
Wild Wipes Draws
Why is the rum always gone?